www.comedyalltheway.blogspot.com
Monday, November 23, 2015
Three Babies in the Womb
The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."
The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "So I can get some lights in here, its dark!"
Cheating Wife
A man returning home a day early from a business trip,
got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,
and while en-route to his home,
asked the driver if he would be a witness,
as he suspected his wife was having an affair,
and expected to catch her in the act.
The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom,
turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man.
Yeeeeepa, the husband shouted
The husband put his gun to the man's head,
and the wife shouted,
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Basketmouth pays Senate President a courtesy visit at home
Basketmouth pays Senate President a courtesy visit at home
A BAD DAY NEVER MEAN A BAD LIFE
A wise man stood in front of a large
audience and cracked a very funny joke
everybody laughed like crazy. After
sometime, he cracked the same joke again;
this time, less people laughed. He cracked
the same joke again and again until
everyone got tired of it and started
wondering what he was doing. When he
saw that there was no more laughter in
the crowd, he smiled and said:"You can't
laugh at the same joke again and again
but why do you keep crying over the same
thing over and over again? Never let a bad
day make you feel like you have a bad life.
Just because today is painful doesn’t mean
tomorrow won’t be great. And just because
you failed today doesn't mean you wont
succeed tomorrow!
I pray that you have success in everything you do In Jesus name
Can I hear a loud Amen
audience and cracked a very funny joke
everybody laughed like crazy. After
sometime, he cracked the same joke again;
this time, less people laughed. He cracked
the same joke again and again until
everyone got tired of it and started
wondering what he was doing. When he
saw that there was no more laughter in
the crowd, he smiled and said:"You can't
laugh at the same joke again and again
but why do you keep crying over the same
thing over and over again? Never let a bad
day make you feel like you have a bad life.
Just because today is painful doesn’t mean
tomorrow won’t be great. And just because
you failed today doesn't mean you wont
succeed tomorrow!
I pray that you have success in everything you do In Jesus name
Can I hear a loud Amen
MARRIAGE FROM AN ECONOMIST POINT OF VIEW
MARRIAGE FROM AN ECONOMIST POINT OF VIEW
An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having 2 wives.
A- Monopoly should be broken.
B- Competition improves the quality of service.
If u have 1 wife, She fights with u!
If u have 2 wives, They will fight for u!
Feel the difference & decide
THE WEDDING RING
Wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever made. So think deep, pray and choose your prison mate carefully & sentence yourself wisely to avoid Prison break....And don't try breaking out
BILL GATES in a restaurant
After eating, he gave $5 to the waiter as a tip. The waiter had a strange feeling on his face after the tip.
Gates realized & asked. What happened?
Waiter: I'm just amazed because on the same table your son gave Tip Of $500...
& u his Father, richest man in the world Only Gave $5...?
Gates Smiled & Replied With Meaningful words,
"He is the Son of the world's richest man, but i am the son of a wood cutter..."
( Never Forget Your Past. It's Your Best Teacher. )
Ali Baba comes for Amber Rose for mocking Mr Ibu, compares her to Oprah Winfrey
Earlier today, Amber Rose shared a photo of Nigerian actor Mr Ibu on her
instagram page using it to depict the Sugar
Daddy that likes her and a hot chiseled dude's picture as the Sugar
Daddy she wants. Many Nigerians didn't like her post - and one of those
Nigerians is comedian Ali Baba who took to his instagram page to drag
Amber. He even called her an Opio..lol. See what he wrote after the
cut...
39 ANCIENT WISDOM TIPS FOR SINGLES ON MARRIAGE
39 ANCIENT WISDOM TIPS FOR SINGLES ON MARRIAGE
1. Wedding is a day but marriage is a lifetime.
2. A stingy man who is single will still be stingy when married.
3. Silence can never be misquoted.
4. If you want what no one has had, do what no one has done.
5. When God wants to bless you, he puts a person in your life; when Satan wants to destroy you, he puts a person in your life
6. It is better to be single and alone, than to be married to the wrong person.
7. Avoid a contentious woman.
8. 3 Men to avoid: a. A womanizer b. A hot tempered man c. A drunkard.
9. Marrying a comedian does not guarantee a happy marriage.
10. Never be yoked to anyone who refuses to be yoked to God.
11. 3 words that echo peace in marriage: a. I am sorry b. Thank you c. I love you.
12. Don't waste your time meditating or dwelling on your singleness.
13. Co-habitation is a recipe for marital failure.
14. Deal with anti-marriage dreams.
15. Masturbation is destructive.
16. Marriage without friendship is like a sky without sun.
17. If you rush into marriage, you may end up with a person who will bury your destiny.
18. A successful marriage is always a triangle: A man, A woman, God.
19. Why you marry is as important as who you marry.
20. Much happiness in life depends on your marital choice.
21. A man needs divine wisdom from God in choosing who to marry.
22. Do not place your priority on good looks: no woman is ugly: she only needs 'rebranding'.
23. 3 Major characteristics to look for in a woman: 1. Fear of God, 2. Wisdom, 3. Discretion (Beauty is vain).
24. The best way to enslave a woman is to show love to her excessively-as a rule, women do not run away from where they are pampered.
25. Love is not blind, infatuation and lust is blind.
26. Love puts God first, Lust puts sex first.
27. Test every love with your peace of mind, if peace of mind is absent, God is not in it.
28. If you are a true friend, you will attract true friends.
29. Caring hearts never lack caring hands.
30. Desperation leads to frustration.
31. Bad marriages can be avoided before they begin.
32. Keep yourself pure and your bed undefiled.
33. It is spiritual insanity to plan on converting someone so you can marry the person.
34. Wage war against the devil that fought your parents' marriage.
35. Marriage is a covenant, always look before you leap.
36. It is better to be single and believing God to be married than to be married and believing God to be single.
37. A broken courtship is better than a failed marriage.
38. Do not marry money or property, marry a person.
39. Be presentable
1. Wedding is a day but marriage is a lifetime.
2. A stingy man who is single will still be stingy when married.
3. Silence can never be misquoted.
4. If you want what no one has had, do what no one has done.
5. When God wants to bless you, he puts a person in your life; when Satan wants to destroy you, he puts a person in your life
6. It is better to be single and alone, than to be married to the wrong person.
7. Avoid a contentious woman.
8. 3 Men to avoid: a. A womanizer b. A hot tempered man c. A drunkard.
9. Marrying a comedian does not guarantee a happy marriage.
10. Never be yoked to anyone who refuses to be yoked to God.
11. 3 words that echo peace in marriage: a. I am sorry b. Thank you c. I love you.
12. Don't waste your time meditating or dwelling on your singleness.
13. Co-habitation is a recipe for marital failure.
14. Deal with anti-marriage dreams.
15. Masturbation is destructive.
16. Marriage without friendship is like a sky without sun.
17. If you rush into marriage, you may end up with a person who will bury your destiny.
18. A successful marriage is always a triangle: A man, A woman, God.
19. Why you marry is as important as who you marry.
20. Much happiness in life depends on your marital choice.
21. A man needs divine wisdom from God in choosing who to marry.
22. Do not place your priority on good looks: no woman is ugly: she only needs 'rebranding'.
23. 3 Major characteristics to look for in a woman: 1. Fear of God, 2. Wisdom, 3. Discretion (Beauty is vain).
24. The best way to enslave a woman is to show love to her excessively-as a rule, women do not run away from where they are pampered.
25. Love is not blind, infatuation and lust is blind.
26. Love puts God first, Lust puts sex first.
27. Test every love with your peace of mind, if peace of mind is absent, God is not in it.
28. If you are a true friend, you will attract true friends.
29. Caring hearts never lack caring hands.
30. Desperation leads to frustration.
31. Bad marriages can be avoided before they begin.
32. Keep yourself pure and your bed undefiled.
33. It is spiritual insanity to plan on converting someone so you can marry the person.
34. Wage war against the devil that fought your parents' marriage.
35. Marriage is a covenant, always look before you leap.
36. It is better to be single and believing God to be married than to be married and believing God to be single.
37. A broken courtship is better than a failed marriage.
38. Do not marry money or property, marry a person.
39. Be presentable
You can pray Psalm 23 in Pidgin English:
1. The Lord na my
shepherd, I dey
kampe.
2. E make me sidon for
where better dey flow yanfu yanfu. And come
put
me next to
stream make my body
thermocool.
3. E panel beat my soul
come spray am white, come dey lead
me dey go
through express road of
righteousness because
of Hin name.
4. Walaii! If I waka pass where arm
robber, 419 and juju
people boku,
come even join boko
haram reach
valley of the shadow of death sef, liver
no go fail me. Your rod
and staff nko?
Na so dem dey like
backbone dey
comfort me. 5. You don arrange good
fufu and Amala on top
table make I chop. See
bad belle
people dey look waa waa.
You rub me for head with vaseline
intensive
lotion. My cup come be
like River
Niger dey troway dey go.
6. True true, better life and mercy go
dey follow me till I
quench. And I go
tanda for God house... lai
lai I no go
comot for wia better dey.
God Almighty, Na you
biko!
AMEN.
1. The Lord na my
shepherd, I dey
kampe.
2. E make me sidon for
where better dey flow yanfu yanfu. And come
put
me next to
stream make my body
thermocool.
3. E panel beat my soul
come spray am white, come dey lead
me dey go
through express road of
righteousness because
of Hin name.
4. Walaii! If I waka pass where arm
robber, 419 and juju
people boku,
come even join boko
haram reach
valley of the shadow of death sef, liver
no go fail me. Your rod
and staff nko?
Na so dem dey like
backbone dey
comfort me. 5. You don arrange good
fufu and Amala on top
table make I chop. See
bad belle
people dey look waa waa.
You rub me for head with vaseline
intensive
lotion. My cup come be
like River
Niger dey troway dey go.
6. True true, better life and mercy go
dey follow me till I
quench. And I go
tanda for God house... lai
lai I no go
comot for wia better dey.
God Almighty, Na you
biko!
AMEN.
If U tell him am here, I will divorce you...
A drunk 18 year old boy asked a married
woman out, the woman got pissed off &
told her husband..
The husband told her to invite the boy so
dat he can beat the hell out of him.
The woman did what her
husband requested, and the husband hide under
the bed...
When the boy got there, he took off his t-
shirt and his body was full of scars..this
made the woman to asked,"why do U have so
many scars?"
The boy replied,". my job is to lay married
women & usually I get caught
so I kill the husbands, if someone shows up
now he
will be number 20 on my
murder list...The
boy continued, so
the woman tried to reach out her
husband under the bed, a small
voice
came up,"If U tell him am here, I will divorce you...
A drunk 18 year old boy asked a married
woman out, the woman got pissed off &
told her husband..
The husband told her to invite the boy so
dat he can beat the hell out of him.
The woman did what her
husband requested, and the husband hide under
the bed...
When the boy got there, he took off his t-
shirt and his body was full of scars..this
made the woman to asked,"why do U have so
many scars?"
The boy replied,". my job is to lay married
women & usually I get caught
so I kill the husbands, if someone shows up
now he
will be number 20 on my
murder list...The
boy continued, so
the woman tried to reach out her
husband under the bed, a small
voice
came up,"If U tell him am here, I will divorce you...
Poisoning Mother-In-Law (A Must Read)
A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.
In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.
Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, “Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”
Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.” Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.
He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”
Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.
Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, “Mr. Huang, please help me to stop the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”
Moral:
Friends, have you ever realized that in most of the cases, how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you (Most of the times)? In China it is said: The person who loves others will also be loved.
Kindness is a reaction. Starting from today, try to be kind to EVERYBODY, even your ENEMIES!
A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.
In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.
Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, “Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”
Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.” Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.
He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”
Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.
Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.
Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, “Mr. Huang, please help me to stop the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”
Moral:
Friends, have you ever realized that in most of the cases, how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you (Most of the times)? In China it is said: The person who loves others will also be loved.
Kindness is a reaction. Starting from today, try to be kind to EVERYBODY, even your ENEMIES!
Warri Bible is out...grab Ur copy nw!!!
Sample version:
ENG:- As it is written in the Bible.
WARRI:-As them yan for Bible.
ENG:- Jesus entered the boat with his disciples.
WARRI:- Bros J cum enta canoe wit him padi dem.
ENG:- As the boat was sailing, there was a great storm.
WARRI:- As the canoe dey move, na im yawa cum gas.
ENG:- The storm was so great dat it was like a
whirlwind.
WARRI:- As the yawa dey gas na im kasala burst join.
ENG:- The disciples became so afraid that they shouted
Master! Master!!
WARRI:- Na im liver fail him padi dem, na im dey begin
dey hala...Bros eh! Bros eh!!
ENG:- Jesus got up and calmed down the wind.
WARRI:-Na so Bros J get up com arrange the mata.
ENG:-he turned to his disciples and said, oh ye with little
faith.
WARRI:- Na im Bros J com look him padi dem shake
him head, com provoke...“O BOI UNA FALL MY HAND".
ENG:- The disciples replied and said “WAT MANNER OF
MAN IS THIS? "
WARRI:- him padi dem com hala “SHOOO...Bros J,
which levels naa? U be winshh?????????
Sample version:
ENG:- As it is written in the Bible.
WARRI:-As them yan for Bible.
ENG:- Jesus entered the boat with his disciples.
WARRI:- Bros J cum enta canoe wit him padi dem.
ENG:- As the boat was sailing, there was a great storm.
WARRI:- As the canoe dey move, na im yawa cum gas.
ENG:- The storm was so great dat it was like a
whirlwind.
WARRI:- As the yawa dey gas na im kasala burst join.
ENG:- The disciples became so afraid that they shouted
Master! Master!!
WARRI:- Na im liver fail him padi dem, na im dey begin
dey hala...Bros eh! Bros eh!!
ENG:- Jesus got up and calmed down the wind.
WARRI:-Na so Bros J get up com arrange the mata.
ENG:-he turned to his disciples and said, oh ye with little
faith.
WARRI:- Na im Bros J com look him padi dem shake
him head, com provoke...“O BOI UNA FALL MY HAND".
ENG:- The disciples replied and said “WAT MANNER OF
MAN IS THIS? "
WARRI:- him padi dem com hala “SHOOO...Bros J,
which levels naa? U be winshh?????????
Great friendship
Great friendship is a hard thing to come by in this world and should be something that should be held on dearly to when it is found. A great friendship is defined as a friendship between two people that can never be broken, and that will never be dishonored or disavowed for any reason. Great friends treat each other with the utmost respect, and are able to laugh together, cry together, and be there for one another when either side needs a shoulder to lean on. A great friend will never forsake the other, and a great friend will never make someone less of a person than were before, but will instead help make their friend the best person that they can possibly become. A great friendship is one without judgment, one with the acceptance of who a person really is, and one with an undying trust to the very end
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)